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I HATE THIS FEELING
Friday, February 29, 2008 at 2/29/2008 11:01:00 PM

I am seriously depressed!!!
Argh!!!!
i seriously want to let him go..
But images of him keep appearing in my mind!
This feeling sucks!!
I hate it!


Especially at times like this
when I'm alone
And i didn't get a single call from him!
ALL I THINK OF IS HIM!!!!
I promised my self not to call him
but i still did..
And he had off his fone

I noe who is he with now..
PLS tell me what to do
tell me how 2 4get him
I noe my ann wil say I'm stupid
That is why i neva dare to tell her..
Cos i know how she would react..
haiz..


I dunno! i'm confused now..
when will i EVER 4get him!
I HATE THIS FEELING!
IT SUCKS LIKE HELL!!!

Life is a song and I'll play for you.


at 2/29/2008 12:59:00 AM

Hmmm!!! I had made up my mind
I wanna let him go
Not to contact him anymore!
I know it's hard but i can do it..
Haha i noe 1 day I'll look back
and tell myself what an idiot i am..
to be sad over guys like that..
LOL!! I noe i muz have sounded stupid -.-

Hey did u guys read the news?
Abt the terriost who fled away?
lol!
I didn't noe it till he call and tell me-.-
ok I'm talking abt him again..
But anyway i think i ought to read more news..
But i heard that right
the policeman who supposed to look after him
kept the news that he fled..
that's why the search got delayed

But come on la..
they let him loose for 24 hour
24 hour no 1 2 look for him
confirmed fled out of country liao ma...
Singapore so small cant be
he disappeared in to thin air rite?
hmm...

ok la i wanna try to be happy le
have been indulging in self pity yest and 2 day
It's time to
MOVE ON

Life is a song and I'll play for you.


I miss Jia Yi
Thursday, February 28, 2008 at 2/28/2008 01:07:00 PM

Jia Yi.. Suddenly i miss you
haha..
If u are reading this now..
My heart feel so heavy...
Jia yi...
ARGH!!!!
Am i being retarded?


Anyway I am going 2 get my medical report later..
Abit scare i got some illness
end up cant get the course i wanted..


He told me yest that he wanted to call me
but he didn't
And i asked him why
He said that
Because he was Quarreling with his gf
And he was so hot that he 4 got abt me..


I am forgotten..
Why does it always end this way
why am i always the forgotten 1
regardless of how much i do
I admit i didn't do really much
But at least i am always being reasonable
BUT why is he treating me like a rag..
He only remembers me when he needs me
Other wise i am forgotten..

I read a blog juz now
a guy had died..
and after he died, the girl maintain a blog
in memories of him..
It's touching but sometimes a little fake
haha..
BUt if it is really true
I think the girl should have let go
cos he is neva coming back
BUT i understand perfectly that
sometimes it juz isn't easy to let go..


But seriously, when will my love come?
and when will him reciporcate my love for him..
I seriously hope that that some 1 who comes into my life
in the near future
would love me for who i am
and not how i look..
I had missed too many good guys in my life
but i'm sorry maybe we are neva meant to be
But i really really hope that..
some day i will be like that girl
filling him in a blog dedicated to him
our memories..
With him alive that is..

I think i shall stop here..
wouldn't want to pollute my blog with
emo stuffs haha..

Life is a song and I'll play for you.


Couldn't help being sad
Wednesday, February 27, 2008 at 2/27/2008 11:09:00 PM

I Know very well that i shouldn't feel sad at all
It juz isn't worth it..
Because in the beginning i know
Nth would happen between us
It's impossible..
However i allowed my self to fall deeper

I know so well that he isn't ready to commit in love
I know so well that he already has some1 he care
So much so that he doesn't allow her
to know that he has other fling outside.
I thought i can stand what he did
but I realised i couldn't

I am suddenly becoming possesive..
I want him to at least like me
However iT's Impossible.
He treats me like a puppet like a toy
like anything but never a lover
I know all these so well
But yet i choose to sink deeper..

But i couldn't seem to get out of it..
Pls! gif me 1 tight slap
stop me from dreaming
It's never possible
BUT it juz hurts to know that i will
NEVA EVER stand a chance..

Am i being stupid?
Am i being silly?
I dun want all these to happen
but i couldn't control myself..
I noe i shouldn't post emo stuffs
Cos i promised my self to lead a happier life
BUt i can't help feeling sad.
Maybe i should juz break free
but i couldn't bear to do it
hence i'm hanging in the air..
looking for some solution..
But the solution neva came..

Life is a song and I'll play for you.


Random thoughts
Tuesday, February 26, 2008 at 2/26/2008 10:16:00 PM

Hmmm... I'm sure u all heard abt the edison scandal rite?
I'm juz back from the movie
Ah long pvt lte with main...
And out of the sudden we were talking abt Edison Chen

And i told main...
Ann feels that Edison Chen is veri disgusting
because he cause other ppl's family
2 be distorted because of the photo..

However i Personally feel that
Things takes 2 hands to clap..
It's not as if Edison Use a gun to force them
into taking those photos.
They look so willingly what
The only mistake Edison have is
he did not take care of the photo hence causing it to spread..

However i feel that
Every 1 had to pay for what they did..
Even though some of his scandal
happened quite a long time..
But shouldn't u think before u even start doing whatever u wanna do first?
So they juz have to take it as a lesson learnt..

You all might think it's easy for u to say
But they are the ones feeling miserable..
But believe me.. I know how it feels to be miserable..
But You have no choice but to accept that
You have to pay for your action
Even if the thing happened 10 yrs ago..
but too bad for them..
They can't keep it any longer
so they juz have to pay for their actions now..

However.. PPL SHOULD NOT condemn them for what they did
I mean ppl do make mistake
so what if they are some superstar?
they are also human...
They do make mistakes..
So we should learn form their mistakes right?
Instead of condemning them..
It's so unfair to them

Maybe that's the prob with US asian..
We are always so judgemental
which is a sad case..
But i support Edison Chen..
not for his actions though..
and also not because i'm his fans
BUt because I think he had learnt his lesson
SO why not give him another chance?
He is juz an Ordinary human rite?

Haha.. Now 2 my life..
Actually i am a little pissed with ann..
i dunno whether she meant it in a sarcastic way
however in the comment it sounded sarcastic :(
I was the first to share with ann the news that she got in2 shatec
because i was going to stay over at her hse..
I am happy for her because
I know she thought she couldn't make it
because of her result..
But i dun appear too happy for her
because i am not as excited as she is..
But she dun understand that
I am not her..
It's not me that is feeling depressed all the way
and suddenly i received this gd news i am in shatec!
so naturally i wouldn't be excited abt it
But i'm happy for her that she get into shatec..
BUt what she said pisses me off

She wrote: shan I'm glad that you are the first to share
my good news with me . Though You dun look too happy for me

I sense some sarcarsm in this statement..
However i might be too sensitive
but it's hard not to dwell on it
but girl,
Trust me
I am seriously happy u do not need to retain
BUT i cant show my excitement cos i am not the 1 going through it
AND u noe so well that i am never good at words
I juz assume that u noe how i feel
BUt then again i shouldn't assume..
so sorry for not expressing my thought well enough..

Life is a song and I'll play for you.


A retard encounter
Thursday, February 21, 2008 at 2/21/2008 01:54:00 PM

I've learn something 2 day...
i was in irc in a chanl where the ppl there are mostly in their late 20s-40s
there was this person in late 30s it's a woman
and she say that she wanna go out with some 1 good looking
so guyA asked her
Do u only go out with some 1 good looking?
then guyB defended the gal saying it's not wrong to have her expectation..
and the gal started saying i am shallow so what?

i mean what is wrong wit these ppl?
Guy A merely asked the gal whether she only go out with good looking guys
and they get all tensed up and sensitive?
mind u... they are already in their late 30s...
not some teenager like me...

so i was so turned off before i leave i told them
I was surprised that ppl in this chanl are so sensitive and childish. I thought ppl here can do much better that this.
And i left the chanl..

so in my own chanl #muackz some 1 say i shouldn't say those things...
i said that i juz wanted to wake them up..
they are being too sensitive...
and he said because older ppl have seen too many bad guys out there...
so they think things in a negative way...
but it's ridiculous right?
there are nice ppl out there u can't condemn every 1 because of some bad ppl u encountered..



The guy started saying that ppl tends to think they are never in the wrong..
and i said that i agree.. when u are angry or at that instant u will think that u are right
however when u calm down and reflect they should understand that it takes 2 hands to clap... sadly for them they dun understand it.. that is why they dun grow..

and the funny part is the guy reply me
we dun grow any more cos we are too old to grow
see how childish these ppl ar?

u can see any kind of ppl in this world
and what he juz says had proven his stupidity to me..

*loves*

Life is a song and I'll play for you.


Bad day....
Wednesday, February 20, 2008 at 2/20/2008 12:12:00 AM

Argh!!! it's a bad day today!!!
firstly there's this small little girl
who is so rude...
and now i had a hard time logging on to blogger
because of the stupid virus!!!

what an idiot i am!!!
ARGH!!!
but luckily there's a good news to top it up..

haha i got my application le..
I am entering bishan ITE..
doing EARLY CHILDHOOD..

YEAH!!!
anyway what uniform u all think i should wear?
gif some suggestion yeah?

love u guys lotss!!!

Life is a song and I'll play for you.


i wonder...
Monday, February 18, 2008 at 2/18/2008 02:46:00 PM

Life has become so slack after i quit poly... i wonder when will my posting be out?
I've just watched Da capo from crunchy roll..
a veri nice show!!!
details i won talk abt it... but after u watched it.. u couldn't stop..


Hmmm after watching it.. i wonder when will some 1 truely love me comes along?
some 1 who love me for who i am...
some 1 who love me not for looks or rather size?
some 1 who will care for me?
Do all these only happens in drama?


Even in dramas the females are always so pretty...
U only love the person only when u are pretty?
I always told myself i wanna slim down
but i neva seem to be able to do it..
which is a sad case...

i am juz lacking in determination
haiz... when will my prince ever arrived?


Life is a song and I'll play for you.


Monday, February 11, 2008 at 2/11/2008 09:11:00 PM

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.
What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

OMG IT"S SO TRUE..
but some i not so sure...
but i like this test i'll gif it 4.9/5

Life is a song and I'll play for you.


bad day
Sunday, February 10, 2008 at 2/10/2008 04:34:00 AM

blow drying and blogging at the same time..
hard task
i feel so dizzy now...
why am i drunk after drinking only 2 cups of nits
sian..

maybe i was letting go of all the emotion i had inside me
all the bad things..
but quite saddening..
it's been a long time since i cry so much
i noe i've said lots of things
but i dunno i cant place it now


detail?
ppl present will noe
now i only wished to get some slp


i am meeting my frien for ice- skate in 4 1/2 hr time
i sure very ugly de!!!
with swollen eye!!! brghh!!!

ok shall stop here nite nite!

Life is a song and I'll play for you.


Happy new year!!!
Thursday, February 7, 2008 at 2/07/2008 10:30:00 PM

OK first of all!!
Happy new year!!!
2 day's the first day of new year
however it seems especially quiet this year.
something is lacking but i am not sure what

ok i am in deep deep trouble..
I am soo confused...
argh!!!
i like a guy. but he's attached
but he's leading me on..
because we have different perspective over love.

i totally disagree abt what he perceives.
by saying love should not be bounded
he can have more girlfriends.
i think that is crap he juz doesn't wanna commit

but why do i still like him?
maybe because his little action
are al veri sensitive
nth i felt before.
or maybe it's been a long time since i fall in love?
lol..

i hope i am juz crushing on him..
because i dun wanna fall in love
with a bad guy!!! argh!!!
but i am missing him already..

but i dun wanna appear too despo..
so i have to playit cool.. argh!
it's hard!!!


anyway i am so tired.. i spent the whole night with him last night..
we went rounding!!! wohoo!
but it was cold..
then we went to eat
den went chit chat only get back home in the morning..


so i am getting back to sleep now
too tired...
*pray* i hope he calls me to night argh!!!


Life is a song and I'll play for you.