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Saturday, July 26, 2008 at 7/26/2008 06:33:00 AM

Ok it's 6.35 am in the morning
and I cant get to sleep
The reason being I slept too early last night
and my biological clock is too used
to waking up this early -.-
quite retard i know
But oh well..

Alot of thing ran through my mind
and i thought maybe i should blog it out
I'm so tired...
Tired of ppl always thinking
I'm angry for the slightest reason

During project It's always like that
Shermain said that maybe classmates don understand me well
and yeah..
But that's the way i talk
When i get excited over some things
My voice naturally gets higher
and ppl thinks that I'm angry
or sometimes i am pissed with myself
I am terrible at art
i feel irritated when i try to put
the pieces of info together in the brochure
and yet it looks ugly and disorientated
and i told jihan
ai ya anything la u put..
and she thought I'm angry.
BUT I am just pissed with myself that
it looks ugly no matter how i placed it
so i decide to let her decide..

Still rmb Fara asked me about the brochure
and she changed some idea without consulting us
to me it's not impt
because I am not gd at art
so I rather don make decision
The only thing I am worried about is
the brochure not enough space
But since she clarify her pointts i told her
ok
u ask the others
and she thinks that I'm angry even if I am not
by the way i am not harping on this matter
just that I need to explain why ppl think
I am angry
so no offense
this leads me to another pt

I HATE MSN!
Because I am so not good at typing
I am some one who pursue something real
I need to see the face
hear the voice etc..
In msn If i can type as short as possible
I will do that
and what i get is ppl telling me
I'm rude in msn
I'm angry
BUT how can you guys know
whether the person is rude or angry
when u cant even see the facial expression?

Haiz...
Am I really so unapproachable?
ppl thinks that I am angry for the slightest reason
OK
I admit I am some one who wants to win
I will put my best in a game
and hence agressive
BUT I am NOT a sore loser
I don get angry just because I lose.

Maybe I should make myself clear.
When I am angry
I don't talk to anyone
I show black face
Because I don't want to throw my temper at any one
I prefer to shut up
SO PLEASE don assume I'm angry for the slightest reason
Because it's tiring
Tiring to explain that i am not angry
and yet I don't know if the receiver gets my message
or simply doubting me..

I admit I have a short temper
and i get irritated easily
BUT angry and irritated is different
I am still trying to change my temper
But I am not a super woman
I take 2 years to change my bad temper to short temper
BUT now it's already four years
and i still have that short temper in me
although it's getting better
but I am still short temper.
BUT BELIEVE ME I AM TRYING HARD TO CHANGE
Sorry that I might bring out the image
that I am some petty girls
or some dominating shit

BUT please give me a chance and
not condemn me by my tone
and think that I am petty
and angry for no reason..
I cant change my voice
it's just the way i talk
It just gets higher when i get excited
Maybe I should just shut up?
I dunno...
Maybe i should change the way I
say things..

whatever it is I'm tired..

Life is a song and I'll play for you.