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Sunday, August 31, 2008 at 8/31/2008 08:33:00 AM

It's Over

I don't want to say any further
But it's over between me and him
I gave him 2 choices
and he picked that

When everything is going so well
In 1 min
Just 1 min the whole ending could change
Just 1 min
People fall in and out of love in that 1 min
People were born in that 1 min
people died in that 1 min
But why?
I don't understand why me

No matter how paranoid I am
I trusted him
I trusted his words
trusted whatever he say
and this is what i get in the end
He was everything I wanted
and he seems so perfect for me
but maybe
just maybe
I am never suited for happiness
I always need to work fucking hard for it
and yet end up getting fucking hurt
because of that few moment of happiness

Why can't I just have something in life
that just go my way for once
If i were to choose
can i pls have life that goes my way?
I don't mind being weak
I don't mind being nt as sharp as i am now
please fucking go away...


Life is a song and I'll play for you.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008 at 8/27/2008 10:02:00 PM

Just back from doc
Thanks dear!!!
So sorry :( end up u went home at this time

Anyway I know you guys are unhappy
Lay har told me U all look unhappy
and also asked her what i say to Ivy
Don't worry
I am not a back stabber
If u guys wanna know so badly?
Why don't you all come ask me?

Anyway I just told Ivy at the beginning of the lesson
That I FEEL(did not say i am) outcasted because i dunno anything
abt the things you all doing
and i am supposed to just stand and see
which i can't
I am not like some ppl
who don do their things
and yet get their marks
I'm sorry i cant be free loader
that's my policy
so i told her i will join them play game
if gt grp i will join her
The most get 0 for project

Thanks Ivy for letting me join your grp
I appreciate alot
u save me from getting a big fat egg

Anyway I know It's my fault for nt attending school
But I don see why u all have to cast me out like totally
I ask belinda abt the proj
she told me mon tell me
mon i sick
and on Tues i asked her
what do i need to do
she say no need we finished everything
den what should i do on that day
she say no need we distribute everything le
so i said,
basically i just do nth
and she replied yes.
This are all i told Ivy and it's the fact..
I told Ivy nth but the fact
I did not add in emotion so ya

So what am i supposed to say?
this is nt abt initiative
It's abt u don bother telling me..
Even if I'm dominating or what to you guys
Also no need to shut me out from the project
by nt letting me know everything right?
Seriously I am trying to change
and I did try
No matter how unhappy i seem or argue
At last i relent by saying
ok fine
just do what u want
Because i see no pt in arguing
The most i can do is try to perfect the plan
as much as possible
But then that only priviledge of mine
is taken away
pls tell me what can i say?

And you guys talk abt the games like i
Don't exist
so again
what should i say?

shall stop here

Life is a song and I'll play for you.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008 at 8/26/2008 06:03:00 PM

Was actually looking forward to school today
Because of the SPEC
But oh well
when i reached school i just realized
how naive i was.
Disappointment filled it
I asked Belinda whether the SPEC was cancelled
She say no
they don't care already
maybe Dorcas class ba -.-

I was like wth...
Sian half..
What for agreeing to something?
when the purpose is to put up a show?
Isn't that ridiculous?
and to think that I really really thought
I could use this opportunity to
strengthen the way I speak -.-

Oh well...
Putting that aside
I didn't went to school yesterday
I wanted to go to school for half day
just to take Ms Petrina's test
But my fever went up to as high as 38.2
So I went back to sleep and see a doctor in the late morning

I am now considering whether to have my tonsil remove
Because The doctor says that
My tonsil is very big
That's the reason why i always get sore throat
Follow by flu cough and fever
the doctor failed her job
I asked her whether i still can sing?
she ans every operation had it's risk
so what does that mean?
will i lose my voice?
and she didn't told me about the amount i have to pay
if i went for the operation

My throats hurt like hell now :(
I cannot even talk
and when i talk OMG!
I'm using a lot of effort
and when i swallow!
I rather die :(
I think i got throat infection

stupid tonsil
why do u need to grow so big!

Life is a song and I'll play for you.

Sunday, August 24, 2008 at 8/24/2008 10:03:00 AM

Sometimes I just felt that
my dearest is sooo cute!!!
and If i were to see him
I will pinch him like hell!!!


We were smsing
when he asked

He: so you met our friend already? eaten already?
Me: no haven, I'm going out now
I'll eat with her after i meet her
He: Where you going to eat?
Me: airport
He: WOW!!! You go airport eat?
Why? Airport food very expensive de wor
You all wanna see the plane?
I laugh!!! I was like must i see the plane to go to
airport to have my dinner?
Me: LOL you make me laugh!
so ps people all looking at me now.
No la we going popeye to eat
and the airport is the nearest.
He: Funny meh? ok la..
Erm what is popeye? I never heard of it b4
Is it Popeye the sailor man!!!!
I laugh again!!!
This Bf of mine *shake head*
can be so mountain beetle at times!

alright shall stop here
will be seeing him later!
I couldn't wait!! >.<

Life is a song and I'll play for you.

at 8/24/2008 09:59:00 AM

I think We will Be Fine =)
Perfectly Fine
I think this acts as a good
opportunity to test whether our
friendships will break
due to trivial matter.
And yup,
We just needed time to cool down
and yes
I love you too
my Friend

Life is a song and I'll play for you.

Saturday, August 23, 2008 at 8/23/2008 08:29:00 PM

Best friends always

You're a true friend,
that I want you to know,
Our love for each other
has helped us to grow.
We've been through some tough times,
but we've made it through,
The only one I ever trusted was you.

You helped me through anger,
you've chased away fears.
You held me through sadness,
and kissed away tears.

You stayed by my side
when the world turned away.
You helped me see joy
when the skies were all gray

You were the rainbow
at the end of the storm.
You help me be different
when I shouldn't conform.

You held my hand
when you knew we would fall.
Every heartache,
you saw me through it all.

I'm not sure
I'm always the best friend to you,
I know I'm not perfect,
but this much is true.

When life gets you down,
And there's nowhere to turn,
I'll help you through and
I'll share your concern.

I'll try my best to return every favor,
When you're sure that you'll drown,
then I'll be your lifesaver;
Even if we will both go down.

I'll pull you out
when life pulls you under.
I'll be the sun
when there's lightning and thunder.

And when it's all over,
And we've fought every war,
There's one thing I promise,
Of this I am sure,
When the time comes
that we're put to our rest.
Be sure that you know that,
My friend, I really care.

And if there is Heaven,
then I know you'll be there,
That if you die first
then you'll hear every prayer.
And soon I'll join you,
but just know until then.
That I'll miss you each day
'til I see you again.

At the end of the tunnel,
you'll be my guiding light,
You'll lead me to heaven,
away from the night.

We'll be there together,
and we'll never grow old.
And we'll walk hand in hand
On the streets paved of gold.

Life is a song and I'll play for you.

at 8/23/2008 08:01:00 PM

utterly disappointed..

Yes I'm angry
But disappointment came in
and my heart cringe when I think of what u say.

No need to argue over these
no matter what I won't go her house since i lost her address
so no need to say so much..

no need to say so much
I was lost for words.
at that time fury filled my head
and I simply repiled
yeah, you're right
I don't need to say so much
it's not my problem anyway..

After that u started walking very fast
and since both of us are angry
i chose to walk behind you
and sms with hai ming
and the next moment when i raise my head
you're gone.

So i assumed you went back home..

By the time I received your sms
asking if I was on my way home
if yes you shall go back home.
I was already at terminal 2
Since you explained that you did not disappear
you just went to interchange to check for buses
why didn't u call in the first place?
Why don't u call me once u saw me missing?

It was my first time to terminal 3
so I took quite some time to find the bus interchange there
I linger around and I stayed there for at least 5 mins
You need more den 5 mins to realise I'm missing?
If you are angry to call
then at least sms me ask me where am I?
I kept looking at my phone
what took you so long to sms?

Seriously I would have come back to the airport
If you would just ask
But u just said nvm then
since it's ok with u
I don't think I should say anything else.

I just wanna let you know that
if I don't care
I don't have to say anything
I don't have to argue with u
It's not my money
not my prob
I can jolly well keep quiet
It's not as if by saying something
and you get your money back
you would give me 50% commission
I can jolly well shut my mouth and 4get abt it
But the fact that I told you all that
was because I CARE!
and when u said no nedd to say so much
i was speechless..
I don't need your apology
nor do i need you to talk to me nicely
But I just need you to know
I treated you like a real friend
When others will just say why u have this type of friend
I chose to argue with you
because i truly want you to get your money back

seriously I'm disappointed..
maybe i should just mind my own business after all
so sorry to ruin your day
If I know things were gonna turn out this way
I would just shut the fuck up
Then at least i won't be disappointed..

Yes you're right
I don't have to say that much..

Life is a song and I'll play for you.

at 8/23/2008 12:12:00 AM

I just woke up from my "nap"
Ok so the Spec(Speak Perfect English Campaign)
had literally started.
Which i think is a good thing
This will really help me to improve my speaking

Ok had something on my mind which i want to share
Yes, Simplicity MAY be nice
BUT it doesn't work every single time
especially in projects..
if we were to be satisfied with simple things
Our marks will be in deep trouble.
anyway i am not directing this at anyone
nor any group members
i need to state this,
It's just that I just realised that
all my peeps
erm may be not all
will make do with simplicity
and when most of them don mind
I don think i am in the position to intervene anymore.

I guess I shall leave it to them
I don want to argue over this project
But yeah overall the result will show..
I am putting my marks at risk yes..
but what else can I do?

Like what I've learnt from ms Petrina
You cant find a perfect life in reality
So you just have to live with what u have
and be happy with it..

Of course I cant be happy about it
but yeah
maybe next time round i should find groupmates
who are willing to give it their all for projects
after all my aim is the high marks

I wouldn't dare to say that
i am determined to go to school
but I guess I found the problems to why i am always skipping school
and I swear I am working towards
on how to solve that problem.

either i get over it and be stronger and better
or i will always be stuck here!
Like i always say!
everything in life happens for a reason.

Life is a song and I'll play for you.

Thursday, August 21, 2008 at 8/21/2008 11:06:00 PM

OK I know this is sooo soo off
I am suddenly motivated by some quotes
I was reading Don blog when i saw this

I may be walking slowly
But I will not walk back wards

And I am thinking am i walking backwards now?
by not attending school and stuff?
this really make me wonder
Why in the first place did i transfer to ite
If I am going to skip classes and stuff

Everyone has been telling me
it's such a waste for me to go to ite
some even say I'm stupid to give up studying a dip
BUT i was determined to go to ite early childhood
I want this to be my stepping stone
to being a child psychiatrist
I was so determined at that time

BUT what am i doing now?
why should I even enter this course
to skip classes when i can do that in poly?
I'm already walking backwards
to walk a longer journey
by giving up my dip course
and now I'm walking even further back..

I grumbled
sometimes i told myself that
Dorcas seems to dote on 1 person alot
Always giving chance to that person
and causing the rest of us being discouraged

But i woke up suddenly
She's right
that person is constantly proving herself
that she can be trusted and so on
what right have i to complain?
when all i do is skipped classes?
i am not offended
in fact she's right
Who would want to trust some one
who don come to school
and always giving attitude

I always thought that if she give me a chance we can prove that
we can do as well as her
i am such an idiot to think of that
WHY should she even give me a chance to prove?
when others are constantly proving themselves?

I seriously need to get out of this situation
i haven realised for years that
my biggest challenge is my laziness
it has been following me for 3 years
and in this 3 years
i find excuses to cover it up
seriously if i wanted to cont study in pol
I can
BUT i gave up saying it's not my type
what excuse can i give now?
I don't know now..
nvm i should stop typing all these
i am getting the nerves of everyone
always being emo

sometimes we can't expect life to be perfect
we can only take and live with what we have
and be happy about it..

ok this is so off
i am not making sense and bla bla bla...


Life is a song and I'll play for you.

at 8/21/2008 07:03:00 PM

不会看的good luck

Petrina 问我为何这几天没上学?
我: 在家
她: 你不是要为了钱而发愤图强吗?
我: 有时候不是因为钱你就会满意就会有动力的.
我: 我厌倦现在的生活
她: 我觉得你上学不因该是为了
她:Avier 的优点是吸收能力很强
我认同! 不过太容易生气不足以让我失败!
感到失落! 胡说!
dorcas 说得对 一个能拿到讲学经的人
善韵! 你醒醒吧!


郭善韵! 你那艰难的十八年白熬了!

Life is a song and I'll play for you.

Random thoughts
Wednesday, August 20, 2008 at 8/20/2008 07:33:00 PM

Random thoughts again

It's been a long time since I literally
start thinking
Seriously I'm jealous
jealous of so many ppl
Annie, Cy, Shermain, Belinda and Don

All of them have something in common
that I don't have
a motivation to go to school
I know it's not a big deal
BUT it is to me.
I mean hey?
It's such a simple thing
going to school
but why do i find it hard to do so?

I keep telling myself
keep writing in blog
that i will work hard
i will go to school
i will study hard
on National day eve
Ms Dorcas asked
i thought u say u wanna come to school
and not skip classes anymore

I told her I tried
but still i can't
nvm i shall try again another time
But deep down I'm lying to myself
But i cant get through 1 month without
being absent from school
and whennever i say it's ok
try again next week
I am just running away from it.

I remembered she once told us abt something
like if u wanna do it u can
don't complain
and now i am really thinking
is that what i want?
If i really want it
den why am i not doing it?
If i really tried
Shouldn't I be in school?

Belinda said even cy can
why i can't
and i really cant understand too
some times i wonder
why i couldn't get the motivation to go to school?
I mean i don dread school
but i seriously Don't love school either
sometimes I just feel so out of place
and so tired
i really dunno
the moment i wake up i have the thoughts of not going to school
every single day without fail
in fact even b4 i sleep i wonder whether
i should attend school the next day


I really really dunno what to do
I know my capabilities
My attendance is going to kill me
if i don study
but i go to school everyday
i can still pass well
but if i don understand anything
I'm out of the game...
yes i know
I know it soo soo well
but so?
at the end of the day
I'm not in the school
I really don know what to do
or think
So i shall not say i will be determined to go to school
because i only know how to say
but no action or result seen
i dunno...
we'll see as days goes by..

I'm so sorry that this post is so
but i guess today is just some emo day


Life is a song and I'll play for you.

Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 8/17/2008 08:28:00 AM

It's 8.30 am now
I am feeling so tired
just came back from rav dance club and
chatting from shermain..
I haven slept a wink and
I am dying soon...

But I'll still be meeting main for breakfast
Because that's what she wanted
since it's her birthday!
I shall do what she wants lol!!!


We went to fashion bar at first.
and i love the Daiquiri
It's rum with juice
i chose peach and have it frozen
so it's a little sweet plus sour
and a tinge of bitter! nice!

I gave main a big surprise
since she thought i will not
be there to party with her.
I'm evil
But what's important is she enjoyed herself

We had martell too

Fashion bar was ok
I'll give the ambiance 8/10
but it's oh so boring
no cards no games
no entertainment -.-

After that we proceeded to Rav Dance club
and we opened vodka
Thanks mich for offering to pay for me at first :)
appreciate that :)
and thanks main for paying for me :)

we dance and i supposed
If i went dancing everyday
i will slim down like hell.
because i sweat like never b4...

2 bad yen went home earlier
otherwise it'll be more fun...

ok i shall stop here need to eat with main le

Life is a song and I'll play for you.

Friday, August 15, 2008 at 8/15/2008 08:38:00 PM

Hmmm didn't went to school today.
Chinn Yee asked me if i'm really sick
I think i really pon too much le
now i told them i sick they don't believe

From yesterday afternoon my throat has been aching
den when i reached home at night
I was very tired
and i told chinn yee I will be sick soon
since we were having some conference on the phone.

Then today i woke up
i was so lertagic
my head was so heavy and my throat hurts.
so i message Belinda and told her
I will not be attending school

my tag board is infested with spammer
And the spammer is so off.
Like as if doing this will pissed me off
When i see it i am like
so childish.
That's why i decided to leave it there
to let u guys see the childishness.
to make things even funnier is
the spammer like all other spammers
do not dare to leave their name down.
*shake head*
By doing all these it it not reflecting badly on me
it just reflects badly on u :)

I am so happy!
Recently Hai ming have been treating me
like a princess
making me laugh
and trying his best to reply me asap
I'm really happy that he's trying to change
even though I don't know the reason
BUT am still happy :)

I still rmb on Wednesday i went to my cousin house
to teach tuition
i asked him why he haven reply?
Is he busy?
He : sorry dear busy with sending the presentation
email to my teammates my laptop is lagging
I just finished
now I'm bathing and smsing you
Me: LOL it's ok as long as u reply it's fine
He : Ya cos I wanna try my best to reply you asap
Me:I am so touched!! I wanna cry le ( trying to be sacarstic)
He: lol ok la.. Trying my best to love u as much as i can ma

I don't know what medicine he took
but it sure makes me fly to the sky.

ya Met up with him yesterday
He came to my hse to use com
since his lappy batt went low
and yeah he was introduced as my "proj mate"
After he finished I sent him down and bidded good bye..
and oh god I miss him:(

Tml MIGHT be going out with main to pub
with mich and few others to
celebrate her birthday.
I just hope I am well enough to celebrate with her :)


Life is a song and I'll play for you.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008 at 8/13/2008 10:42:00 PM

Have been asked to update.
But seriously I'm too lazy
and tired.. =.=

Anyway firstly I would like to apologise
Because i have NOT bee attending SCC
and Jia Yi song..
I haven been touching it!
I'm so sorry
cos I've been rather busy...

And Jia Yi!
I haven forgot abt u!
I swear!!!
Just that I've been busy with projects..

last Fri was National Day eve
We sort of had a mini celebration
for national day
we need to feel the atmosphere
and experience the process of planning
activities for the children.

So the organisers have these gammy awards
and guess what?
I am the nominees of Queen of sarcasm and Most kechou (noisy)
And i won the


I was like SHOCK!!!
Now den I realised that people actually thinks
that I'm sarcastic
which I don't realise -.-
sad :(

Anyway I got my result for the projects and tests
I got 72.65
convert to 40% will be 29
that mean in order to get an A
I have to get 85 and above for
my exams :(

I don't have the confidence wor..
But nonetheless I will try!!!

善韵!!! 你行的!!!

Life is a song and I'll play for you.

Thursday, August 7, 2008 at 8/07/2008 10:56:00 PM

ALL i have now is BAD NEWS!!!
I wanna cry!

Firstly i received a news saying that
Thursday lesson will also end at 4
first was Wednesday
but I'm fine with it since we start 1 hour later then usual
now even Thursday timetable
had been change
and it is SOOO much worst!!!
8-9 lesson
9-10 break
10-12 lesson
12-1 break
1-4 lesson
this totally sucks!

never mind I told myself i would try to bear with it
Something depressing have to happen!
my project presentation!
The video cant work!
what nonsense is that!!!!
I was so proud!
our group are the most well prepared group
because by Tuesday almost everything had been settled
while others are still rushing!
and end up
we are the most screwed up team!

My effort gone had gone to waste!
I took so many video
chose the best out of all
all these effort gone down the drain
some told me
Ms Dorcas is still giving the marks for media
But let say it's /10
and if the video work we can get 8
now we can only get 5!
and with the video
it's so much better!!!

after that everything behind is screwed!

I can't help feeling depressed!
Maybe because we finished much earlier then the
datelines we gave to ms Dorcas
we started to relax
I should have looked into the
slides and everything
I shouldn't take everything too light heartedly.
It's all my fault!


lesson learn..
Now all i can do is learned from it and
not make the same mistake all over again..

Life is a song and I'll play for you.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008 at 8/05/2008 11:42:00 PM

OK did some reflecting today
and somehow i feel that
today's ms Dorcas lesson
all like referring to me
but oh well it's true
so i shan't complain

i really have to try to speak in a calm tone
otherwise once I'm excited
people thinks that I'm angry
which is not a very good thing i guess

Suddenly I have Soo many things to change-.-
need to change the way i speak
the way i control m temper
and the way i talk
But never mind that!
I think i can do it.

I need to change the way i think too..
Have been giving myself
undue stress.
I will try my very best to not think too much :)

met up with haiming just now
and well we don really interact much
but what matter is we spend time together
waiting for him to get home
so he can call me ..
I'm tired..

so shan't type anymore...

Life is a song and I'll play for you.

Monday, August 4, 2008 at 8/04/2008 10:36:00 PM

Just came back home from meeting haiming
I'm so tired!
after all the videoing session and everything
still have to meet him
But it's a pleasure meeting him :)
I haven met him since last week
Because he's ill
Missed him SOOO SOOO much...
Well i cant get used to his hair
BUT i think i will get use soon :)

加油 !!!!

Life is a song and I'll play for you.

at 8/04/2008 12:10:00 AM

It's 12.10 am now
I tossed and turned but couldn't get to sleep
maybe that's what they say stress?
even though i don't have any idea
what I'm stressed about
but oh well.

Anyway I've made up my mind!
I want to try to speak good english
SO I am getting rid of all the
li la lei lor sia!
And I will try to form sentence in full instead of
short form.

I have been reflecting for the past few days
and i need to apologise to all
because of my bad temper
recently I have been flaring over the slightest things
And i think I finally know what's the
reason behind it
Perhaps It's the medication i take
It has it side effect
and this is one of it...
Mood swing...

So to those I flared
and those i will flared in future
I'm sorry
I will try to control myself I promised!
but no guarantee..

有winwin situation

that's all..
I'll be stopping here
need to get some sleep otherwise
tml I'll be a panda.

Life is a song and I'll play for you.