Random thoughts again

It's been a long time since I literally
start thinking
Seriously I'm jealous
jealous of so many ppl
Annie, Cy, Shermain, Belinda and Don

All of them have something in common
that I don't have
a motivation to go to school
I know it's not a big deal
BUT it is to me.
I mean hey?
It's such a simple thing
going to school
but why do i find it hard to do so?

I keep telling myself
keep writing in blog
that i will work hard
i will go to school
i will study hard
BULLSHIT!!!!!
on National day eve
Ms Dorcas asked
i thought u say u wanna come to school
and not skip classes anymore

I told her I tried
but still i can't
nvm i shall try again another time
But deep down I'm lying to myself
SERIOUSLY I TRIED!
But i cant get through 1 month without
being absent from school
and whennever i say it's ok
try again next week
I am just running away from it.

I remembered she once told us abt something
like if u wanna do it u can
don't complain
and now i am really thinking
is that what i want?
If i really want it
den why am i not doing it?
If i really tried
Shouldn't I be in school?

Belinda said even cy can
why i can't
and i really cant understand too
some times i wonder
why i couldn't get the motivation to go to school?
I mean i don dread school
but i seriously Don't love school either
sometimes I just feel so out of place
and so tired
i really dunno
the moment i wake up i have the thoughts of not going to school
every single day without fail
in fact even b4 i sleep i wonder whether
i should attend school the next day

一睡醒
我就会觉得好累
根本没力气想上学
天使告诉我
我不是下定决心要上学了吗?
恶魔却挑拨离间
累了就睡吧
少上一天课不会死.
就这样他们大战了一会儿
幸运了话
天使就赢了
要不然你就会看到我
不在学校...

I really really dunno what to do
I know my capabilities
My attendance is going to kill me
really...
if i don study
but i go to school everyday
i can still pass well
but if i don understand anything
I'm out of the game...
yes i know
I know it soo soo well
but so?
at the end of the day
I'm not in the school
I really don know what to do
or think
So i shall not say i will be determined to go to school
because i only know how to say
but no action or result seen
i dunno...
we'll see as days goes by..

I'm so sorry that this post is so
emo
but i guess today is just some emo day

whatever!
bye